In the Pagan community at large, we hear a lot about ego. He is ego driven, she works from ego, they have set aside ego. I wonder how many folks actually understand what ego is? How many have really looked at it, and are using the word correctly?
Ego comes from Freud. He had a theory about our psychological make up. Id, ego and super-ego. The id is the animal brain, according to Freud. It's big drive centers around getting pleasure and avoiding pain. The ego stands between the id and the rest of the world. Ego is what translates the desires of the id into a realistic set of views and actions. Super-ego is our morality, ideally it is the fail safe of guilt or conscience. These three work together to help us function in the world.
So, when we say "ego" what we are really saying is id. It wants what it wants and will do what it needs to do to get it. The id likes power and fame, ego just helps it translate that in healthy ways. In these cases, the ego has failed in its job as has the super-ego. So this brings up another concept, the Shadow.
Jung, in thinking about some holes in the Freudian theory, came up with some thoughts of his own. The one we are all most likely familiar with is Shadow. Shadow is the dark side, the strange little desires and odd director of traffic in our subconscious.
Like id, it wants what it wants. Unlike id and more like ego, it is far more devious and seems to have a will all its own. Of course it doesn't, it is just acting outside the constraints of super-ego. It is a psychologocal loop hole, if you will.
What does all this rambling have to do with anything?
I think that Shadow is not only related to the id. I think that Jung, and I do love the man, had it wrong. Shadow is what happens when the id supercedes the ego. I think that when this happens, and Shadow is really out of the box, super ego is suplanted and no longer works. Shadow whispers things to us, great things sometimes, things that activate that id pleasure center. Then, snatches them away with a little dark proding from the ego. Let me supply an example.
The Shadow tells you a story. You can be a great ______. People will love you. You will make a lot of money and have all kinds of fame and recognition. Then it says, you need to be careful though. There are pit falls. Because of all you have, there will be people who will be jealous. They will want to take this from you. They will want to destroy you.
Id thinks that first part of the story is awesome. All kinds of happy things are promised in there. Ego knows these are things could be accomplished and so yeah, that is awesome. Then, because ego translates the possible problems. That's part of it's job, but is not in control of the id as it should be, so it misses some steps. It's not talking about the problems of getting there and then turning to super-ego to help set a plan. Nope, it lets id revel in the "of course this will happen" state. So when it brings up possible issues, it assumes success, and then the pain of having that ripped away.
I do think that this is why so many people get stuck. They dream big but they also fear big. I have seen this a lot. It usually manifests in abuse survivors. I mean long term physical and emotional abuse.
Why does this happen? First, the id is on full alert during the abusive relationship. It wants to avoid pain at all costs. Ego would help it talk to super-ego, but id is so much stronger when it is trying to survive. Next, The ego then is weakened. It can not reason with id. It does not translate in a healthy fashion. Super-ego knows the situation is wrong and unhealthy, but with ego weakened and id in alert it also weakens. Finally, the super-ego, in its unused state, can be suplanted by the will and thoughts of the abuser.
This is a perfect storm, in my oppinion, for Shadow to really create some havoc and road blocks. If the scars from the abuse can not be healed, if Shadow is not dealt with then, we get stuck. We re-create the fear we had while in the abusive relationship. We start and stop things because we hear the voice of the abuser whispering of worthlessness and failure. They are still driving our super-ego.
How do we fix this? Well, the first thing I would say is that, if you got out fo that relationship, then you have already done the hard bit. You got a sudden burst of ego and super-ego strength and got the hell out. What needs to happen is healing and therapy. We need to learn how to replace the thoughts of our abuser with our own again. We have to learn to find the balance between id and ego and super-ego. We have to take back the power from Shadow and put it back where it belongs. This can really only happen if we are willing to seek out trained professionals. They have tools, and road maps, and the training to help us deal with these things.
She is working from ego? No she is working from id. He is ego driven? No, ego could be negotiated with, this is id. Why am I so blocked? Why can't I get passed this? Who's voice is in your head? If it isn't your own, therapy....
Blessings
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