When I was little, my mom took us to church. St James Episcopal Church to be exact. For those who don't know what that is, it is the Church of England. It is Catholic Lite. We have no pope and or priests can marry. We were created so that Henry IIIV could get a divorce. Isn't that nice. We are also known as the church of exercise. Stand up, sit down, kneel, stand up, kneel, sit. We don't have many sleepers in church they keep you moving.

Well after a time, like when I turned 7, we stopped going to church. I have no clue why. It just stopped. So I drifted until the year I went to 6th grade. My mom protesting busing issues sent us all to Catholic school. Yippy. I got to go to mass on Wednesdays. I liked church. I loved the music and the ritual. I always felt good in the church, meaning the building itself. It was like a castle. I felt safe. That was also the year I discovered Greek Mythology. Epiphany for the 6th grade Catholic school mind, "There are other Gods? THERE ARE OTHER GODS!!!!!"

It was exciting. I read everything I could get my hands on. My grades improved so the nuns didn't mind. This was also the year I encountered tarot cards. I took them to school. The nuns made me burn them because "they were a tool of Satan." I will give the nuns this much, it took them forever to get the darn things to burn. lol. I never believed they were of the devil. I still don't. I just think nuns were terrified of them and didn't want to actually touch them to get them lit.

The next year, the bussing issue resolved I went back to public school No church again. In my 8th grade year though the church right down the street was having the youth group go door to door. They were trying to get more young people. I went for the youth group and not for the church for a long time. They had a puppet ministry and well I was very good at puppetteering it seems. Before too much time had gone by, I was writing the skits and running "Pastor Chucky", the main puppet. It was fun and I made friends.

We did a lot as a group. We loved concerts. We went to one that a group called Petra was putting on. This is back when they only had one album out. In the day when you could go back stage and talk to them after the show. Well, I got "saved" at that concert. I mean hardcore, holy spirit saved. I was a dyed in the wool holy rollin Christian. I read the bible 18 times during the 6 years I was a member of that church.

During my time there. I was moved from the youth bible study to the adult bible study to the Wednesday night intensive study. Why would they do that to a tenth grader?? My questions and interpretations of the bible which I read everyday were too deep. I would send Pastor Charles and our youth pastors scrambling for their old college texts and searching for the original meanings of words. They came to dread Wednesdays. lol.

I think one of the final straws with my youth leaders was an incident that happened at a conference on the occult. That was how it was billed. "The Occult: Real Spiritual Warfare of Today". Right up my little on fire ass' alley. They thought "Ah Ha someone who can actually challenge her and keep her mind busy for a while". Well poor them is all I can say looking back.

The conference was NOT in the occult it was on cults. Cults consisted of other churches. These cults included the Catholic church, The Mormons (of which my neighbors members.) Jehovas Witnesses and any small store front church. Well by his definition all religions were cults. Actually on a break I got a dictionary and found that he was right every religion on the planet is a cult. The second half of the lecture was a little more interesting. Adults never scared me. Large groups never scared me. Public speaking is no problem. *smiles with the memory*

So he opened up the floor to questions. ( mistake one on his part, not his last) I raised my had and my youth leaders moved a little closer to me. They saw the glint in my eyes and my rather smug smile. They knew what was going to happen. The poor speaker though thought I looked angelic. It was a look I perfected, like wolves perfect pack hunting. He smiled and called on me (this was his second mistake) I said I had a couple of questions.

"Go right ahead. We have plenty of time", he said (there's three)

"Well according to your definition and Webster's Dictionary every church is a cult. That is correct isn't it?" I smiled sweetly.

He paused and looked thoughtful. I held up a dictionary and his thoughtful expression faded a little, "Yes, technically you are right. But we aren't talking about all religions here, just the wrong ones."

My smile faded and I lifted a defiant 17 year old eyebrow. My youth leaders were closing in far too slowly to stop what was about to happen. I said, "Sir do you mean to tell me you advertised a course on battling the "O"ccult to lure us here to listen to you bash other Christian religions? Do mean that Christianity is the only way to God only if it is your brand of Christianity? The "O"ccult includes secret things like witchcraft and Satanism. I came here to learn to fight that not to be a hypocrite and bash other Christians. I will not belittle anyone who follows Christ and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

He closed the questions and comments section of his little talk. We all had punch as he left. My youth pastors tried to explain that this man was right and these were dangerous religions. I didn't go back to church at that place again.

Until I was 21 there was no organized religion in my life. Then I stumbled across the Mormons. I liked them. I liked what they had to say. If you are rolling your eyes at me right now stop it. They have a very appealing message in the beginning. Eternal marriage and families, it is not til death do us part but forever. I told you it was appealing.

Due to a rape by another member of the church and the churches mishandling of the whole thing I was labeled a Daughter of Perdition, one of only two women with that title EVER in the Mormon church, and excommunicated.

I really thought they had it all right. They had all the missing pieces. If they were not the True church then all religion was false. Sounds crazy but unless you are an ex-Mormon you won't understand that. It was true though in my heart of hearts I knew there could be no God if that church was false. Soooo I decided to go see for myself if there was a God or not.

I was all set to go. Sharp knife, locked door, music playing, nice dress, plastic over and around my bed. I didn't want mom to have a mess to clean up after all. My note was short and sweet, "I need to talk to God face to face. I need answers."

I started to make the first cut. It didn't even hurt which was odd. But I can tell you I was shaken to my core with fear. What if he wasn't there. What if he was and I was going to hell for suicide. One would think that fear would be enough to stop me it wasn't. I just pushed deeper. That's when something amazing happened.

All at once I was at peace. I was wrapped in the arms of a woman. She was rocking me and saying my name and telling me it was alright She was here for me. She whispered answers to me. I cried a long time as I was rocked by not a Father but a Mother. I had never in my life, even in my deepest prayers felt this kind of love and peace.

When the night was over I cleaned it all up and even feigned that I had cut myself making dinner. Nothing major, just tried to catch the knife I dropped. I was told not to do that again... you let a knife fall and jump back.

I knew nothing of the Goddess but my mind drifted back to the 6th grade and the discovery of other Gods.

It have been 23 years almost to the day, as a matter of fact, that I was rocked in the arms of the Goddess in the moment of my deepest pain. I have never looked back. I have really only been a practicing witch for 20ish of those years. I was studying and making sure that I would never fall under the control of another rabid cult, Christian or otherwise.

This is how I became a witch. It is long tale but a true one. I promise you that it is all true. The quotes are as close to verbatim as my mind can make them. The spirit of the truth is in every word of them. I really did read the bible 18 times in 6 years. I still read it from time to time when helping a friend out or doing some sort of research. It isn't my scripture though. My scripture is written in my heart and in my thoughts and deeds.

Love and Light